Close to my heart...

I am doing well. Very tired, naturally, but sooo happy as a mommy to our two kiddos. I couldn't imagine my life any differently! That said, I'm about to write about something that few people talk about, but I've come to find out that many people experience this on one level or another. I think it's important to talk about, to help other women to know they are not alone! Some may critisize or be quick to judge - then shame on them. I have no room in my life for anyone like that!

A few weeks ago, I woke up and it was like someone flipped a switch inside my body. My anxiety was so high that I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and I felt physically sick. After Madison was born, I got a brief case of Post Partum Depression - it wasn't actually depression, just anxiety, but it falls under the same umbrella. It was the worst feeling ever. This was caused by several factors which I won't go into, but also is caused by hormones...which there's no way around! I recognized some of the same feelings coming back and wanted to take care of it right away. Nursing and Hunter's eating issues were really stressful and coupled with lack of sleep, a breast infection and hormones beginning to balance out (which starts to kick in at week 2), this caused me to have a lot of anxiety. No, I did not expect perfection, but everything just seemed so out of control. I cried for two whole days. I immediately called my doctor, called the Pedi, and went to see the two lactation consultants who had helped me while in the hospital. I knew it was important to get a grasp on it right away before it got any worse.

Everyone was so understanding and helpful, but the lactation consultants (who were nurses also at the hospital) were absolutely amazing. They were so helpful and actually agreed that I needed to introduce the bottle to Hunter - for his growth and for my own sanity! I just cried to them because I felt so helpless and so guilty for not exclusively nursing him (which, I know, is crazy). Guess what they did? The next morning, they sent me a huge bouquet of flowers with a card saying "Danae, you are a wonderful Mommy! Hang in there and good luck!" Can you believe it? I will ALWAYS remember that. It brightened my day and meant so much to me that they did that. And, I am forever grateful to my neighborhood girlfriends who rallied around me, gave me a spa gift certificate, visited me often bringing lunch and cards. I love you. Once I decided to begin moving to the bottle and we developed a plan of action that would help to proactively take care of Hunter's feeding needs; I felt sooo much better. And today, I feel great.

Post Partum comes in many different forms. For me, it was only anxiety. I didn't feel depressed or sad, I didn't have any ill-will toward my children, I wasn't scared or fearful for their lives or mine...it was just plain anxiety. Which sounds silly, but it can come on when your hormones begin to change again. Other things can spur this on as well, but for me, it was mainly just stress. It was the most awful feeling, but with a positive support system and calling my doctor right away, it was quickly taken care of!

So many women, whom I've talked to the past two years, have struggled with some kind of PPD. It happens much more often than we think!! If this has happened to you or someone you know, just remember you are normal! If you take care of it at it's onset, you will be a much happier person.