Our little fairy!
Daddy and Madison all ready to go meet our friends
Let's go, Bumblebee Avery!
Boatie, the excited-to-be a pumpkin dog
Thank you, Mary, Shawn, Holly and Courtney for all of thewonderful surprises in my package tonight!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween cuties
Our little fairy!Daddy and Madison all ready to go meet our friendsLet's go, Bumblebee Avery! Boatie, the excited-to-be a pumpkin dogThank you, Mary, Shawn, Holly and Courtney for all of thewonderful surprises in my package tonight!
28 Weeks!!!
Yay!! We made it to 28 weeks!! How awesome is that!? And to think just two weeks ago, the doctors were pretty sure I was going to deliver. Of course, I shouldn't be too surprised that we've made it two more weeks - our God is awesome and mighty. I'm so proud of Hunter, too, as he continues to grow.
I've really had a good day today. Hunter has had a good day, too. No heart decels and no contractions. I'm drinking water like a fish. I also got weighed today. I thought I'd gained about 20 lbs by just laying here and eating, but turns out I've gained 2 lbs. So, that makes 10 lbs, total. Why can I gain weight so easily when not pregnant? Gee, thanks, wish it were the other way around! But the Dietician is not concerned because the baby is at a very healthy weight.
Today, I've felt surrounded by peace. Blanketed with comfort. And I know it's all because of your prayers for us. Thank you for your powerful prayer - it is the best gift we could ever receive from you. We've felt so humbled and forever indebted to you.
I am so glad that I've been able to pray for some of you, too. Thank you for sharing your stories and prayer requests that are so dear to your hearts. Thank you for letting me into your lives, as well. I will continue to pray. I've got a lot of time on my hands that can be put to good use.
I feel really optimistic and positive. But sometimes, I need time away the phone and computer, and just escape in a good book or TV show or listen to some good music (which the specialists recommend is good for the baby, so thanks Michelle and Greta for the CD’s!) - to get my mind off of things. Sometimes it feels good not to talk about the details of the current situation...but just to relax. It's probably best for the baby, too. I just needed a little time, but tomorrow, I plan to answer emails.
Today, Mark and my mom took Madison to our street's Halloween party. It sounded like it was a blast. I'll post more pics when I get them this weekend. Our family and our neighbors got together and brought lots of food. Craig and Celia made their famous homemade gumbo, a Louisiana and Texas favorite. Kids were everywhere. And because the Chief of Police lives on our street, he got a permit to close the street off from other acrs - allowing everyone to party and the kids to trick or treat safely.
Oh, how I wish I could have been there. Around 5:00 today, I started to get sad thinking about Madison in her little costume...how this was going to be the first of several holidays coming up that I was going to miss experiencing with her. I know there will be many more in the future, but it doesn't make missing these this year any easier. Anyway, just as I was getting sad, there was a knock on my door and a package was delivered...sent by a few of my best girlfriends in college, Mary, Holly, Shawn and Courtney. It was wonderful! See, God provided again for me, at that specific time. Inside the box, they included many salty snacks (my craving lately), sour candy (my intense craving today), yummy chocolate, stationery, magazines (you know I love Martha's holiday issue), and some other fun stuff. Their cards were so heartfelt. Thank you, girls!!!
So, yes, today was a good day. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I'm thankful for today. Isaiah 40:31 says My strength is renewed each day because I hope in the Lord. I won't give up hope, I refuse. To lose hope would mean to give up on my son. Even though he's not even born yet, I will not give up hope.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.”
Lamentations 3:22-23
I've really had a good day today. Hunter has had a good day, too. No heart decels and no contractions. I'm drinking water like a fish. I also got weighed today. I thought I'd gained about 20 lbs by just laying here and eating, but turns out I've gained 2 lbs. So, that makes 10 lbs, total. Why can I gain weight so easily when not pregnant? Gee, thanks, wish it were the other way around! But the Dietician is not concerned because the baby is at a very healthy weight.
Today, I've felt surrounded by peace. Blanketed with comfort. And I know it's all because of your prayers for us. Thank you for your powerful prayer - it is the best gift we could ever receive from you. We've felt so humbled and forever indebted to you.
I am so glad that I've been able to pray for some of you, too. Thank you for sharing your stories and prayer requests that are so dear to your hearts. Thank you for letting me into your lives, as well. I will continue to pray. I've got a lot of time on my hands that can be put to good use.
I feel really optimistic and positive. But sometimes, I need time away the phone and computer, and just escape in a good book or TV show or listen to some good music (which the specialists recommend is good for the baby, so thanks Michelle and Greta for the CD’s!) - to get my mind off of things. Sometimes it feels good not to talk about the details of the current situation...but just to relax. It's probably best for the baby, too. I just needed a little time, but tomorrow, I plan to answer emails.
Today, Mark and my mom took Madison to our street's Halloween party. It sounded like it was a blast. I'll post more pics when I get them this weekend. Our family and our neighbors got together and brought lots of food. Craig and Celia made their famous homemade gumbo, a Louisiana and Texas favorite. Kids were everywhere. And because the Chief of Police lives on our street, he got a permit to close the street off from other acrs - allowing everyone to party and the kids to trick or treat safely.
Oh, how I wish I could have been there. Around 5:00 today, I started to get sad thinking about Madison in her little costume...how this was going to be the first of several holidays coming up that I was going to miss experiencing with her. I know there will be many more in the future, but it doesn't make missing these this year any easier. Anyway, just as I was getting sad, there was a knock on my door and a package was delivered...sent by a few of my best girlfriends in college, Mary, Holly, Shawn and Courtney. It was wonderful! See, God provided again for me, at that specific time. Inside the box, they included many salty snacks (my craving lately), sour candy (my intense craving today), yummy chocolate, stationery, magazines (you know I love Martha's holiday issue), and some other fun stuff. Their cards were so heartfelt. Thank you, girls!!!
So, yes, today was a good day. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I'm thankful for today. Isaiah 40:31 says My strength is renewed each day because I hope in the Lord. I won't give up hope, I refuse. To lose hope would mean to give up on my son. Even though he's not even born yet, I will not give up hope.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.”
Lamentations 3:22-23
Letters from Mommy 10/31
To my precious baby Hunter,
Congratulations, my big boy, you are 28 weeks old today!! You stayed in mommy for TWO more weeks since we’ve been in the hospital!!! Do you know how PROUD I am of you? Today, I celebrate your life inside of me. These have been one of the best, most precious times of my life, sweet boy. Thank you, baby Hunter, for making Mommy so happy.
See, not too long ago, the doctors told Mommy and Daddy that we had less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant. God worked a miracle inside of me and created you. Mommy has loved, loved, loved being pregnant with you. It is so wonderful and I will never take it for granted.
Since we’ve been in the hospital, we’ve had some real quality time together. This has been such a special time that God has given Mommy because He has allowed me get to know you. I enjoy every moment with you. Even though we’ve not yet met outside of Mommy, I love you so much. Even though I don’t know exactly what you look like, I’ve gotten to know many things about you. I know your kicks. I know your hiccups. I know your movements and where you like to lay in Mommy. And, sweet boy, I know your little heartbeat, as I get to listen to it several times a day. I’m just so happy that God has let you grow inside of Mommy. I feel so blessed to have these 28 weeks. And, I promise, I will do my very best to keep you safe.
Hunter, I’m so sorry that Mommy’s body is failing you right now. I am so, so, so very sorry. I hope you are not hurting. But, I know that God has your little body curled up in His hands right now. I know that He will protect and comfort you. You were His, first, before He gave you to me. And I know that He has BIG plans for you.
So keep staying strong, ok? And keep growing, my love. Everything is going to be alright.
I love you,
Mommy
To my precious Madison,
Hello, my sweet girl. I love you so very much. I hear you had a very fun time Trick or Treating tonight! Mommy wishes so badly she could have been there, but I’m so glad that you had such a good time with all of your friends in the neighborhood, and that’s what matters most!
I was so happy to be able to see you last night. Each time I get to see you, my heart fills with joy. Oh, how I wish I could see you more often. But, I am thankful for these special visits I have with you. How I used to take for granted seeing you every day; now, I would do anything just to see you more than once a week!
We had a special time together. You showed Mommy your new tricks. I got to see how you lift your little legs up and march to music. I got to see how fast you are now running. And, you ate all of Mommy’s ice cream! I could just watch you all night; it’s like I don’t want to take my eyes off of you, so I can remember everything to last me until your next visit. My favorite moments were cuddling together. The only way you would sit still next to me is if I played your Baby Einstein video. But, that’s okay – at least you were next to me. I got to caress your soft face. I got to squeeze your round cheeks. I got to kiss your tiny fingers. I relished in the time when you reached to hold Mommy’s hand. I deeply breathed the scent of your freshly shampooed hair. I kissed you all over your face. I hope you know how much you are loved. You are so special.
Honey, I know this time is a little hard for you right now and you may be scared that Mommy and Daddy are going to leave you. Grammy told me how scared you get whenever someone new comes up to you. And I’m so sorry that these past few months have been so uncertain for you, first with our hurricane evacuation to two places and then with Mommy’s hospital stay – you’ve been handed to a lot of different, unfamiliar people. But Mommy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, we promise! We will always do our very best to protect and take care of you.
So don’t be scared, sweet girl. Continue to be a good girl. Everything is going to be alright.
I love you,
Mommy
Congratulations, my big boy, you are 28 weeks old today!! You stayed in mommy for TWO more weeks since we’ve been in the hospital!!! Do you know how PROUD I am of you? Today, I celebrate your life inside of me. These have been one of the best, most precious times of my life, sweet boy. Thank you, baby Hunter, for making Mommy so happy.
See, not too long ago, the doctors told Mommy and Daddy that we had less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant. God worked a miracle inside of me and created you. Mommy has loved, loved, loved being pregnant with you. It is so wonderful and I will never take it for granted.
Since we’ve been in the hospital, we’ve had some real quality time together. This has been such a special time that God has given Mommy because He has allowed me get to know you. I enjoy every moment with you. Even though we’ve not yet met outside of Mommy, I love you so much. Even though I don’t know exactly what you look like, I’ve gotten to know many things about you. I know your kicks. I know your hiccups. I know your movements and where you like to lay in Mommy. And, sweet boy, I know your little heartbeat, as I get to listen to it several times a day. I’m just so happy that God has let you grow inside of Mommy. I feel so blessed to have these 28 weeks. And, I promise, I will do my very best to keep you safe.
Hunter, I’m so sorry that Mommy’s body is failing you right now. I am so, so, so very sorry. I hope you are not hurting. But, I know that God has your little body curled up in His hands right now. I know that He will protect and comfort you. You were His, first, before He gave you to me. And I know that He has BIG plans for you.
So keep staying strong, ok? And keep growing, my love. Everything is going to be alright.
I love you,
Mommy
To my precious Madison,
Hello, my sweet girl. I love you so very much. I hear you had a very fun time Trick or Treating tonight! Mommy wishes so badly she could have been there, but I’m so glad that you had such a good time with all of your friends in the neighborhood, and that’s what matters most!
I was so happy to be able to see you last night. Each time I get to see you, my heart fills with joy. Oh, how I wish I could see you more often. But, I am thankful for these special visits I have with you. How I used to take for granted seeing you every day; now, I would do anything just to see you more than once a week!
We had a special time together. You showed Mommy your new tricks. I got to see how you lift your little legs up and march to music. I got to see how fast you are now running. And, you ate all of Mommy’s ice cream! I could just watch you all night; it’s like I don’t want to take my eyes off of you, so I can remember everything to last me until your next visit. My favorite moments were cuddling together. The only way you would sit still next to me is if I played your Baby Einstein video. But, that’s okay – at least you were next to me. I got to caress your soft face. I got to squeeze your round cheeks. I got to kiss your tiny fingers. I relished in the time when you reached to hold Mommy’s hand. I deeply breathed the scent of your freshly shampooed hair. I kissed you all over your face. I hope you know how much you are loved. You are so special.
Honey, I know this time is a little hard for you right now and you may be scared that Mommy and Daddy are going to leave you. Grammy told me how scared you get whenever someone new comes up to you. And I’m so sorry that these past few months have been so uncertain for you, first with our hurricane evacuation to two places and then with Mommy’s hospital stay – you’ve been handed to a lot of different, unfamiliar people. But Mommy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, we promise! We will always do our very best to protect and take care of you.
So don’t be scared, sweet girl. Continue to be a good girl. Everything is going to be alright.
I love you,
Mommy
My Prayer
Dear God,
Thank you that I can cast all of my worries and cares upon you. Thank you that, for when I am tired, you carry the heaviest part of this burden for me. Lord, I know you have a plan for us. You already know how these coming weeks are going to play out. And I’m so thankful for that. God, when I feel like I am so drained, I just picture you behind me, steering me by the shoulders and guiding me. And when I really don’t have the strength to walk upright, I picture you just scooping me up and carrying me for a little while.
Thank you for giving us peace, comfort and optimism, Lord. Thank you for our friends who so selflessly pray for us to receive these gifts.
Most of all, I thank you for the gift of hope. I will never ever lose hope. To lose hope would mean to give up on my son. And although I've never seen him, I will never give up on him. Thank you for always providing me with enough strength and perseverance.
God, I pray for my husband right now. Thank you for blessing me with such a loving husband. Right now, he doesn’t lead onto it, but I can only imagine what he may be feeling right now. Lord, you know his heart. Please, please protect his feelings right now. Please protect his heart. Please help him not to hurt. Please take away any fear or burdens he may feel right now.
And Lord, I pray for our precious daughter, Madison. It hurts me to see her being affected by this. Please help her not to be scared. Please give her comfort. Lord, I know that she was yours, first. You graciously are letting Mark and I raise her in this world and enjoy every minute of her. But because she is your child, I know that you love her more than I ever could. And I know you will protect her. I thank you.
Father, I lift this little baby boy up to you right now. Oh, how I love him so much and yet, I’ve never seen him. I still thank you so very much for making me pregnant. I have loved every minute of it. Yes, even through the hard times, I still love being pregnant. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Lord, please, I pray to you with a heart that is literally crying at the top of my lungs out to you. Please, please help this little boy to live. Please help my body to hold out long enough for him. Lord, thank you for allowing me to be in the care of these wonderful doctors, but I know that only you can heal.
Please do your will. I trust in you with all of my heart. You have proven to me time and time again that you are so faithful. Thank you for giving me peace. And I know, like I’ve written to my kids, that everything is going to be alright. Because you walk before me. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but you do. And I know that you will provide a way through it.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank you that I can cast all of my worries and cares upon you. Thank you that, for when I am tired, you carry the heaviest part of this burden for me. Lord, I know you have a plan for us. You already know how these coming weeks are going to play out. And I’m so thankful for that. God, when I feel like I am so drained, I just picture you behind me, steering me by the shoulders and guiding me. And when I really don’t have the strength to walk upright, I picture you just scooping me up and carrying me for a little while.
Thank you for giving us peace, comfort and optimism, Lord. Thank you for our friends who so selflessly pray for us to receive these gifts.
Most of all, I thank you for the gift of hope. I will never ever lose hope. To lose hope would mean to give up on my son. And although I've never seen him, I will never give up on him. Thank you for always providing me with enough strength and perseverance.
God, I pray for my husband right now. Thank you for blessing me with such a loving husband. Right now, he doesn’t lead onto it, but I can only imagine what he may be feeling right now. Lord, you know his heart. Please, please protect his feelings right now. Please protect his heart. Please help him not to hurt. Please take away any fear or burdens he may feel right now.
And Lord, I pray for our precious daughter, Madison. It hurts me to see her being affected by this. Please help her not to be scared. Please give her comfort. Lord, I know that she was yours, first. You graciously are letting Mark and I raise her in this world and enjoy every minute of her. But because she is your child, I know that you love her more than I ever could. And I know you will protect her. I thank you.
Father, I lift this little baby boy up to you right now. Oh, how I love him so much and yet, I’ve never seen him. I still thank you so very much for making me pregnant. I have loved every minute of it. Yes, even through the hard times, I still love being pregnant. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Lord, please, I pray to you with a heart that is literally crying at the top of my lungs out to you. Please, please help this little boy to live. Please help my body to hold out long enough for him. Lord, thank you for allowing me to be in the care of these wonderful doctors, but I know that only you can heal.
Please do your will. I trust in you with all of my heart. You have proven to me time and time again that you are so faithful. Thank you for giving me peace. And I know, like I’ve written to my kids, that everything is going to be alright. Because you walk before me. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but you do. And I know that you will provide a way through it.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Update 10/30 12 am
***Highlights: Just a couple minor contractions. No heart dips in the first and second monitoring, but we did have a decelleration in the third monitoring. However, that decel was matched with many accellerations, so that was good that it readjusted itself and all got back to normal and was fine the rest of the time! My family received some unfortunate news; my mom's dad is in the hospital and we are praying for healing. My Dad's dad is going in for surgery this month - and is the surgeon's oldest patient, at 94 yrs old!
***I have read many of your sweet, encouraging, compassionate emails and comments this evening. I feel God strategically placed all of your emails or comments at the right time when we needed them. I will respond.
After my breakfast this morning, we did another heart monitoring for thirty minutes - and no variables (dips/decels) - yay! Then, I contacted CBR, as Mark and I are big advocates of banking your baby's cord blood. We were so happy we did it with Madison and now want to have it done with Hunter's cord blood. We are big believers in it and are amazed at the advancements made year after year. Having talked to so many people in the morning about the current situation, I was feeling a little drained going over things time and time again. So, I decided to give myself a little break from my computer or the TV, but to simply read a book in between my nurses' visits.
I began reading a book my sister sent to me...we both love that show "Jon & Kate + 8" and Sarah sent their new book to me. I recommend it, if you're a fan of the show. It was a great, easy read - and I was actually really impressed with her openness of what it means to be a Christian, etc. She gave a great testimony in it. And, it talked a lot of being on bed rest in the hospital and going through things where it's life or death and completely relying on God. It was a hilarious book, yet so encouraging. My cousin, Nicole, told me two weeks ago that she emailed Kate to tell them our story with infertility and now with this - I was shocked! I thought that was so sweet of Nicole to do! (Have you ever watched the TV show on TLC that follows Jon and Kate - 17 kids and Counting with the Duggar family? I think it's funny that Michelle Duggar (with 18 kids) and Kate Gosselin (with 8 kids) are both great Christian women, but with WAY different personalities! Almost night and day.
Today was Madison's Fall Party at her preschool! I USED to be the room mom in charge of the party planning...but that came to an abrupt halt when I was admitted here...so my mom stepped in and joyfully helped! They party sounded so sweet and fun and age appropriate for her class. It looked too cute. So glad they had fun. But of course, after hearing Mad's voice in the background, planning out her outfit, preparations for the party, etc. it only made me desperately want to be there as well. Just one more thing I'm going to need to miss.
Toward late afternoon at the end of the day, it was getting pretty lonely in my igloo here, although I have what's known as the best view from a room here. Of course, they probably tell all bed-bound people that - how would we know any differently?
So...Who surprises me with a much needed visit, but my husband, my sweet Madison, and my Mom?!? I immediately started to cry out of pure joy. It was amazingly wonderful to see them, and together, we recharged our batteries. My second thought was bittersweet. I am so happy to see them come, but it makes me realize the true depth to which I've missed them! And, hard to think I will have to say goodby AGAIN...and do this over and over. At least I didn't have to wait a whole week this time to see them, though!
We played together and ate together. We had a few good laughs and planned out our little weekend here in this fabulous hospital...Oh, I relished in watching madison. Again, she liked to build things and stack them. She liked to play with toys around the room. She liked the special icecream mommy and daddy ordered for her. I was afraid she would look like she'd grown too much too fast...but she still looked like my baby. I just love her so much. My cup overflows. When I know they are about to leave, I try to drag out that process. I spend time singing a few songs with Madison. Then I tickled her belly and squeezed her legs. I counted her teeth. Then we gave eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses. And then i just smothered her with kisses all over her face, trying to remember every second of the feeling so that I could tuck away that memory in my pocket as to save to use again at a later date. My heart, that was once again full when they arrived, is now yet again torn into two. They take one of those pieces with them each time they leave. I know they will have a very fun and happy day tomorrow celebrating Halloween and I can't wait to see the pictures and hear all about it when they come to visit me on Saturday.
Thank you, Lord, that we could be together tonight!
And thank you, Lord, for helping us sell our beautiful office furniture to make room for a baby's nursery! Who knows when we'll be able to buy any baby furniture to put in it, but that's okay...
Update 10/30 8:30 am
***I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your comments to the blog or emails. I read every single one. They are such an encouragement to me and it is awesome knowing that we have so many people praying and pulling for Hunter! Please feel free to pass on our prayer request to anyone you think may be willing to pray. We're not going to hide our struggles...the more prayer the better!...and in hopes that our experience or Hunter's life could be a testimony to someone else.***
I woke up today while it was still dark, begging for the sun to rise and let some sunshine into my room. I was wide awake and just couldn't sleep. No matter, because by 6:30, I was already being visited by nurses and techs.
I got up, got dressed in my cute Gap maternity clothes and even put on some mascara and eyeliner. Why? I have no idea. I was going through the motions. Perhaps because it brings a little more normalcy into my life? At least I feel put together. As I was getting dressed, I was quickly reminded of the blog post I entered just a few short days ago to "Not Lose Hope" - little did I know, I'd need to really pull from my own advice that miracles happen and take a good dose of my own medicine. And I also remembered the post from two weeks ago...that I know our case could be so much worse...well, now it actually is. Kind of ironic. BUT, I still have the same amount of perseverance and hope, that's for sure.
Very early, a lab tech came into my room and drew (drained) a lot of blood she needed for the tests to start exploring any possible disease or blood disorder. I actually laughed to myself remembering when we first got pregnant with Hunter - I thought, oh good, we don't have to do IVF again and that means no needles! Ha. Little did I know I'd get just as many later on in the game.
One of my doctors, or as I called him, my "Knight In Shining Scrubs"...came into my room as well. I asked him the questions I'd written down after my conversation with Mark last night.
1) What are the risks to baby with low amniotic fluid?
No risks with low fluid. Some pregnancies go whole way with low fluid "just because". I didn't have this issue with my last pregnancy. See this in slender women. Baby just doesn't have whole lot of room to swim around, but doesn't affect them negatively. If no fluid at all, or reaches a really low point, then they'll take baby out.
2) Reason for low amniotic fluid?
Likely due to placenta problems in this case. Just not producing a lot.
3) Do we need to monitor baby's heart more than 3 x a day?
No, that is good amount for now. If see dips, then we'll do it more often.
4) How frequently will we need ultrasounds, given the info heard last night?
Once to twice a week for now. This is sufficient. If the nutrients traveling in the cord from the placenta become more restricted and that level gets worse, we will see that flagged by the heart monitoring as there will be increased dips in baby's heart rate. So, that will act as our red flag.
Poor Mark. Here I was dropping this bombshell littered with fear inducing news last night. Please pray for him. He says he's fine, of course, but I can only imagine the stress that may be growing inside of him. Not only does he have the worry of the life of his unborn son, but now he has the added worry of the health of his wife. I hate to make him go through any of this. He is so good to us. I don't want to worry him. Of course, he would never admit it, but I just don't want him to stress. I hope work will be a good distraction for him.
So now the sun is shining brightly and, although fear creeps in from time to time, I really am doing okay. Although I know the reality of it, and yes, I get really scared! ...I REALLY believe that everything is going to work out and be alright! May have potholes along our road, but eventually, all will be just fine. Trying to stay upbeat! That's what this baby needs. Also needs a good, big breakfast...which I'm about to eat! :)
I woke up today while it was still dark, begging for the sun to rise and let some sunshine into my room. I was wide awake and just couldn't sleep. No matter, because by 6:30, I was already being visited by nurses and techs.
I got up, got dressed in my cute Gap maternity clothes and even put on some mascara and eyeliner. Why? I have no idea. I was going through the motions. Perhaps because it brings a little more normalcy into my life? At least I feel put together. As I was getting dressed, I was quickly reminded of the blog post I entered just a few short days ago to "Not Lose Hope" - little did I know, I'd need to really pull from my own advice that miracles happen and take a good dose of my own medicine. And I also remembered the post from two weeks ago...that I know our case could be so much worse...well, now it actually is. Kind of ironic. BUT, I still have the same amount of perseverance and hope, that's for sure.
Very early, a lab tech came into my room and drew (drained) a lot of blood she needed for the tests to start exploring any possible disease or blood disorder. I actually laughed to myself remembering when we first got pregnant with Hunter - I thought, oh good, we don't have to do IVF again and that means no needles! Ha. Little did I know I'd get just as many later on in the game.
One of my doctors, or as I called him, my "Knight In Shining Scrubs"...came into my room as well. I asked him the questions I'd written down after my conversation with Mark last night.
1) What are the risks to baby with low amniotic fluid?
No risks with low fluid. Some pregnancies go whole way with low fluid "just because". I didn't have this issue with my last pregnancy. See this in slender women. Baby just doesn't have whole lot of room to swim around, but doesn't affect them negatively. If no fluid at all, or reaches a really low point, then they'll take baby out.
2) Reason for low amniotic fluid?
Likely due to placenta problems in this case. Just not producing a lot.
3) Do we need to monitor baby's heart more than 3 x a day?
No, that is good amount for now. If see dips, then we'll do it more often.
4) How frequently will we need ultrasounds, given the info heard last night?
Once to twice a week for now. This is sufficient. If the nutrients traveling in the cord from the placenta become more restricted and that level gets worse, we will see that flagged by the heart monitoring as there will be increased dips in baby's heart rate. So, that will act as our red flag.
Poor Mark. Here I was dropping this bombshell littered with fear inducing news last night. Please pray for him. He says he's fine, of course, but I can only imagine the stress that may be growing inside of him. Not only does he have the worry of the life of his unborn son, but now he has the added worry of the health of his wife. I hate to make him go through any of this. He is so good to us. I don't want to worry him. Of course, he would never admit it, but I just don't want him to stress. I hope work will be a good distraction for him.
So now the sun is shining brightly and, although fear creeps in from time to time, I really am doing okay. Although I know the reality of it, and yes, I get really scared! ...I REALLY believe that everything is going to work out and be alright! May have potholes along our road, but eventually, all will be just fine. Trying to stay upbeat! That's what this baby needs. Also needs a good, big breakfast...which I'm about to eat! :)
"Be strong and full of courage; do not fear nor be afraid of them, for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave nor forsake you."
Deut 31:6
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Update 10/29 10 pm
I'm staring at my keyboard. I really don't know where to begin. Except, with all of my heart, very humbly, I ask if you could please lift baby Hunter and myself up in prayer.
I just spent about an hour with one of my Perinatologists. I did not retain all of the information. But, this is what I wrote down when I returned to my room after my ultrasound. I'm just going to list it out...This is what the doctor explained to me. This is very blunt. Stating the facts.
First, the best news: Baby Hunter looks very healthy and is a good, normal size at 2 lbs 12 oz. Also, I've had no contractions today and no decelerations show up when baby's heartbeat has been monitored today. Thank you, Lord.
Now the rest.
I now realize that this entry is long - so, bottom line, the amniotic fluid is dangerously low and the placenta is beginning to restrict nutrients going to the baby.
Amniotic fluid:
- a measurement of 14 (i don't know in what units) is average
- below 10 = very concerned
- mine is a 6.6
- 6.6 = not good at all. I need to drink 64 oz water a day and get rest in hopes that the fluid level increases.
- I'm not leaking any amniotic fluid, so cause of decrease is not known. This sometimes just happens.
Dips in heartbeat:
- Because of the low amniotic fluid, baby doesn't have as much room to swim in the uterus. Therefore, he is sitting on his cord (he turned and is now breech) at times.
- They don't routinely see this at this stage.
- Dips (decelerations) are not affecting the baby negatively = Not causing brain damage. Once his heart decels, it always will eventually accelerate at a higher level, which is normal and what they want to see.
- Compared to when we hold our breath while swimming under water. Doesn't hurt us; doesn't hurt him.
- Will continue to monitor his heart rate
Placenta:
- (Think of this as a clogged sink or a coffe maker that is clogged, ok?)...Placenta acts as a filter. Nutrients/blood ("faucet") pass through the placenta ("filter"), through the cord and to the baby.
-We are at "borderline restriction" of nutrients being passed from placenta to the baby.
- 7.0 and below = normal
- My flow = 7.6, which is borderline
- 10 = bad
- If source of nutrients (the "faucet") stops running into the placenta ("filter"), yet the fluid that was in the placenta ("filter") backs up (like a clogged drain) = death of baby
- If faucet runs, yet filter still backs up (this reaction would create pressure and cause fluid to explode to ceiling) = death of baby within 3 days
- Doctor said, "Baby not going to die now, but we must monitor this closely via ultrasound."
- I don't know how often ultrasounds will occur
- At some point of time, usually after the 40 weeks gestation, everyone's placenta begins to age and nutrients will become restricted eventually. Mine has begun early.
- What is causing the placenta (filter) not to work and restriction to occur?
- May be unexplainable - it just happens, and we don't know why.
- But because this happened in my first pregnancy, and is happening again which is unusual, this is a good indicator that something else may be wrong inside of ME = disease or disorder.
- Could be a blood clotting disorder (Our bodies constantly produce blood clots, but we have a mechanism that helps to disolve these clots. I may not be producing enough of that substance, therefore, I have too many clots that is clogging up my "filter" (placenta).
- Could be Lupus (but the doctor said that I "don't look like I have Lupus"...)
Tomorrow, they will begin to draw blood from me for lots of testing. They will fill about 8 viles to begin. We won't get the results back for minimum 10 days, as testing takes a long time.
Other info:
- Cervix measures 1.8 cm (Did not get smaller since two weeks ago, so that is great news), yet without including the measurement of the stitch, it is actually only 7.8mm long - which is not much!
- Funneling of fluid behind cervix is better, but may still be there. Hard to see.
- My next ultrasound will be this weekend.
I don't remember anything else.
I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment, to say the least. Overwhelmed with information. Overwhelmed, period. I understand the reality of all of this. But, at the same time, I have a great peace that everything else is going to be alright. My God is great. He works miracles. I need to do what the doctors tell me, and leave all the details up to God.
Am I scared? yeah. Am I hopeful? You bet.
"So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I just spent about an hour with one of my Perinatologists. I did not retain all of the information. But, this is what I wrote down when I returned to my room after my ultrasound. I'm just going to list it out...This is what the doctor explained to me. This is very blunt. Stating the facts.
First, the best news: Baby Hunter looks very healthy and is a good, normal size at 2 lbs 12 oz. Also, I've had no contractions today and no decelerations show up when baby's heartbeat has been monitored today. Thank you, Lord.
Now the rest.
I now realize that this entry is long - so, bottom line, the amniotic fluid is dangerously low and the placenta is beginning to restrict nutrients going to the baby.
Amniotic fluid:
- a measurement of 14 (i don't know in what units) is average
- below 10 = very concerned
- mine is a 6.6
- 6.6 = not good at all. I need to drink 64 oz water a day and get rest in hopes that the fluid level increases.
- I'm not leaking any amniotic fluid, so cause of decrease is not known. This sometimes just happens.
Dips in heartbeat:
- Because of the low amniotic fluid, baby doesn't have as much room to swim in the uterus. Therefore, he is sitting on his cord (he turned and is now breech) at times.
- They don't routinely see this at this stage.
- Dips (decelerations) are not affecting the baby negatively = Not causing brain damage. Once his heart decels, it always will eventually accelerate at a higher level, which is normal and what they want to see.
- Compared to when we hold our breath while swimming under water. Doesn't hurt us; doesn't hurt him.
- Will continue to monitor his heart rate
Placenta:
- (Think of this as a clogged sink or a coffe maker that is clogged, ok?)...Placenta acts as a filter. Nutrients/blood ("faucet") pass through the placenta ("filter"), through the cord and to the baby.
-We are at "borderline restriction" of nutrients being passed from placenta to the baby.
- 7.0 and below = normal
- My flow = 7.6, which is borderline
- 10 = bad
- If source of nutrients (the "faucet") stops running into the placenta ("filter"), yet the fluid that was in the placenta ("filter") backs up (like a clogged drain) = death of baby
- If faucet runs, yet filter still backs up (this reaction would create pressure and cause fluid to explode to ceiling) = death of baby within 3 days
- Doctor said, "Baby not going to die now, but we must monitor this closely via ultrasound."
- I don't know how often ultrasounds will occur
- At some point of time, usually after the 40 weeks gestation, everyone's placenta begins to age and nutrients will become restricted eventually. Mine has begun early.
- What is causing the placenta (filter) not to work and restriction to occur?
- May be unexplainable - it just happens, and we don't know why.
- But because this happened in my first pregnancy, and is happening again which is unusual, this is a good indicator that something else may be wrong inside of ME = disease or disorder.
- Could be a blood clotting disorder (Our bodies constantly produce blood clots, but we have a mechanism that helps to disolve these clots. I may not be producing enough of that substance, therefore, I have too many clots that is clogging up my "filter" (placenta).
- Could be Lupus (but the doctor said that I "don't look like I have Lupus"...)
Tomorrow, they will begin to draw blood from me for lots of testing. They will fill about 8 viles to begin. We won't get the results back for minimum 10 days, as testing takes a long time.
Other info:
- Cervix measures 1.8 cm (Did not get smaller since two weeks ago, so that is great news), yet without including the measurement of the stitch, it is actually only 7.8mm long - which is not much!
- Funneling of fluid behind cervix is better, but may still be there. Hard to see.
- My next ultrasound will be this weekend.
I don't remember anything else.
I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment, to say the least. Overwhelmed with information. Overwhelmed, period. I understand the reality of all of this. But, at the same time, I have a great peace that everything else is going to be alright. My God is great. He works miracles. I need to do what the doctors tell me, and leave all the details up to God.
Am I scared? yeah. Am I hopeful? You bet.
"So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Update 10/29 6 pm
I just had my second monitoring of the day; Hunter did not have any heart variables (dips) - yay!! Although, we've typically seen them at night, this is really great. The doctor will still come to talk to me about his heart this evening; I'll probably try to conference call Mark into the room.
"He's My Son"
"He's My Son" by Mark Schultz
I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs your help
I've done all that i can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure you can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill up her eyes
Can you hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see him?
Can you make him feel all right?
If you can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See he's not just anyone
He's my son
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
Can you hear me?
Can you see him?
If you can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
Please don't leave him
He's my son
Please don't leave him
He's my son
"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:5
Update 10/29/08 2:30 pm
Hunter and I were on the heart monitor until about 2:30 am last night. (We usually monitor for thirty minutes at a time, around 10 am, 4 pm and 10 pm - sometimes the times get pushed, dependent on how busy the nurses are with other patients.) He had some dips in his heartbeat, but nothing too extreme - just something they wanted to keep their eyes on. Again, this is usually due to cord compression (sitting on it, twisting in it) sometimes very typical in a baby this young when they have more room to swim and play around. Anyhow, the doctor came to me today and said she didn't like what she saw - it may be nothing to worry about, but she wants to take a closer look at the patterns and the dips and will then come and talk to me at about 7 or 8 pm tonight. I am not scared, but very optimistic and positive that everything will be just fine. I know that the main reason I feel that way is because God has given me a real peace about things. Secondly, I know things can change daily and so it's best to "go with the flow" and to "roll with it". Thirdly, I know how many things happen in a pregnancy that are just unexplainable - and would happen in a normal, healthy pregnancy, but eventually work themselves out. Regardless, please pray this is the case, and I will keep you posted.
Here are some pics my mom took with her cell phone...Some new things about Madison:
1. Madison is giving Tyson LOTS of hugs. Sometimes she wraps her arms around him, other times her "hugs" are more like head-butts. Anyway, he tolerates her so well.
2. Since Madison was about 14 months old, she has been playing with legos, building things. She is like her father. She is getting really good at it and is building towers of about 4-8 blocks high at a time - all by herself. Her hand-eye coordination is pretty well.
3. She loves to watch "Dancing with the Stars". Which is funny, because she shows no interest in any other TV. She was absolutely captivated, apparently, when that Lord of the Dance dude danced on Tuesday night's show. Like, she totally stopped what she was doing, turned her whole body around, sat Indian-style on the floor and would not look away from watching the TV.
Here are some pics my mom took with her cell phone...Some new things about Madison:
1. Madison is giving Tyson LOTS of hugs. Sometimes she wraps her arms around him, other times her "hugs" are more like head-butts. Anyway, he tolerates her so well.
2. Since Madison was about 14 months old, she has been playing with legos, building things. She is like her father. She is getting really good at it and is building towers of about 4-8 blocks high at a time - all by herself. Her hand-eye coordination is pretty well.
3. She loves to watch "Dancing with the Stars". Which is funny, because she shows no interest in any other TV. She was absolutely captivated, apparently, when that Lord of the Dance dude danced on Tuesday night's show. Like, she totally stopped what she was doing, turned her whole body around, sat Indian-style on the floor and would not look away from watching the TV.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Our 1st Miracle
I hold these bible verses close. God's faithfulness has been proven to us over and over...and we know it will continue to be with Hunter's life.
My heart's message to you: Do Not Give Up Hope.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jer. 29:11
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
Madison 3 day old embryo during IVF implantation (the second dot is her sybling, who is in Heaven)
My heart's message to you: Do Not Give Up Hope.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jer. 29:11
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
As evidenced with our first child's life...
Madison 3 day old embryo during IVF implantation (the second dot is her sybling, who is in Heaven)
Madison 1 day old (on full vent and oxygen)
One year later...
Update 10/27
I wanted to give an update on my day yesterday.
First, the most important news is that we got the test results back from Madison's EEG at Texas Children's Hospital. It came out clear!! Perfectly normal!! So, it was probably a behavioral thing (the head shaking) caused by Madison's ear fluid trouble, but we want to get to the bottom of it an find out. There are a couple neurological things in family history, so we need to rule those out. Mark is supposed to talk directly to a Neurophysiologist from the hospital. We just don't want to let this ball drop, but find out what we should do next. But, Praise the Lord that the test came out conclusive and that it was clear of any siezural activity!!
In the morning, my neighbor in Beaumont, Greta, came to visit me. She is also a hair stylist. And she highlighted my hair!!!! Thank God. It was wonderful. I mean, not that I have anyone to impress here, but it just makes me feel better about myself. If I'm going to be here for a few months, then my gosh, I can't let my hair go. Women, you know how important that is. :) And, whenever this baby comes, I'd hate to have awful looking hair in all of those pictures that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life! Not that I would be the primary subject of the photograph - no, that would be the baby. But, I would see my hair and it would probably bother me. Anyway, I am freshly touched up to be the light, summer blonde that I once was when I was 5 years old... We had a great time, she brought me a coveted cheeseburger and fries, and it was fun to joke around. And yes, she did my hair while I was lying in bed! She is talented. yes, the doctor approved of it prior.
I got two big surprises yesterday:
1) a package from my friend, Anna Juby! Inside was two books (chic lit, my guilty pleasure, which Anna shares), magazine, crossword puzzle, cute card, Halloween socks and lots of fruity candy - which I'd been craving. Thank you, Anna (and Anne Botts) for taking the time to find the items, wrap them up, and send them to me!
2) a big box from a sweet woman - who hardly knows me!!! She's been following our story on our blog. Her name is Michelle and she is mutual friends with our friends, The Arnolds; we met she and her husband briefly at the Arnold's wedding several years ago. It touched me beyond words that, not even really knowing me, she went through all the trouble to send me a care package. I was so surprised. She was touched by our story, has shared some similar struggles, and gave great christian encouragement to us. She sent a devotional, another christian book, two christian CDs she made, and a sweet card. Thank you, Michelle!
So, as I wrote about below, I did change rooms. After 10 whole days of staying within the same four walls...I got to go out in the hallway! Actually, it was only because I was being wheeled into my next room. Nonetheless, I got to step outside those four walls...It can feel like you're stuck in a prison cell or something. I am happy in my large room and happy not to be woken up at 6 am each morning by the nurses. (My old room was right next to the nurses' station.) However, where I'm located now is at the end of the hall in the corner - and really isolated from any other activity outside my door. Even though I couldn't go outside my door in my old room, it was nice to hear some sort of life outside during the day! Plus, I could keep up on the gossip of what was going on on our floor. :) (Did I tell you that on Saturday, two sets of triplets were born and the woman who was two doors down from me had her Quints? So exciting! She made it to 33 weeks and was only in the hospital for a few weeks!) Anyway, back to my room - I guess you take the good with the bad. And I'm so not moving again, unless they make me!
They have several services here at the hospital that patients can use as really advantageous resources. I've been really impressed. So far, I've been visited by a Neonatologist, a Dietician and Nutritionist, a Social Worker, and next week I'll see a Child Development expert. They've just talked to me to offer their services and let me know they're available if I feel I need them in the future.
So the Social Worker came in to meet me (this is routine for all of their "long term bed-resters"). She walked in and said, "Oh, you're dressed. And you have makeup and your hair is done. And you've decorated your room. I see you're not having much trouble coping here?" Evidentally, some women stay in their hospital gown, don't do anything to their rooms, and can easily slip into a funk (aka depression). I said that wasn't going to happen to me! I learned from the first time around on bed rest that it's important for self-morale...so every morning, I get up early, get dressed, do my hair and/or makeup, and then I'm ready for my (big) day. :) So, the social worker just wanted to see how I was doing, offered supporting resources (I told her that I, too, had a website and she was impressed), and talked to me about being on bed rest while having a child at home. She asked how Madison was reacting and gave me tips on how to better integrate her into these new changes here at the hospital and back at home. It was great. She also said they have a Child Development expert that can come give me tips on further helping Madison cope with the changes now and when I return home - and especially with a new baby, etc. And what to expect from madison at this age.
Better go - need to monitor.
First, the most important news is that we got the test results back from Madison's EEG at Texas Children's Hospital. It came out clear!! Perfectly normal!! So, it was probably a behavioral thing (the head shaking) caused by Madison's ear fluid trouble, but we want to get to the bottom of it an find out. There are a couple neurological things in family history, so we need to rule those out. Mark is supposed to talk directly to a Neurophysiologist from the hospital. We just don't want to let this ball drop, but find out what we should do next. But, Praise the Lord that the test came out conclusive and that it was clear of any siezural activity!!
In the morning, my neighbor in Beaumont, Greta, came to visit me. She is also a hair stylist. And she highlighted my hair!!!! Thank God. It was wonderful. I mean, not that I have anyone to impress here, but it just makes me feel better about myself. If I'm going to be here for a few months, then my gosh, I can't let my hair go. Women, you know how important that is. :) And, whenever this baby comes, I'd hate to have awful looking hair in all of those pictures that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life! Not that I would be the primary subject of the photograph - no, that would be the baby. But, I would see my hair and it would probably bother me. Anyway, I am freshly touched up to be the light, summer blonde that I once was when I was 5 years old... We had a great time, she brought me a coveted cheeseburger and fries, and it was fun to joke around. And yes, she did my hair while I was lying in bed! She is talented. yes, the doctor approved of it prior.
I got two big surprises yesterday:
1) a package from my friend, Anna Juby! Inside was two books (chic lit, my guilty pleasure, which Anna shares), magazine, crossword puzzle, cute card, Halloween socks and lots of fruity candy - which I'd been craving. Thank you, Anna (and Anne Botts) for taking the time to find the items, wrap them up, and send them to me!
2) a big box from a sweet woman - who hardly knows me!!! She's been following our story on our blog. Her name is Michelle and she is mutual friends with our friends, The Arnolds; we met she and her husband briefly at the Arnold's wedding several years ago. It touched me beyond words that, not even really knowing me, she went through all the trouble to send me a care package. I was so surprised. She was touched by our story, has shared some similar struggles, and gave great christian encouragement to us. She sent a devotional, another christian book, two christian CDs she made, and a sweet card. Thank you, Michelle!
So, as I wrote about below, I did change rooms. After 10 whole days of staying within the same four walls...I got to go out in the hallway! Actually, it was only because I was being wheeled into my next room. Nonetheless, I got to step outside those four walls...It can feel like you're stuck in a prison cell or something. I am happy in my large room and happy not to be woken up at 6 am each morning by the nurses. (My old room was right next to the nurses' station.) However, where I'm located now is at the end of the hall in the corner - and really isolated from any other activity outside my door. Even though I couldn't go outside my door in my old room, it was nice to hear some sort of life outside during the day! Plus, I could keep up on the gossip of what was going on on our floor. :) (Did I tell you that on Saturday, two sets of triplets were born and the woman who was two doors down from me had her Quints? So exciting! She made it to 33 weeks and was only in the hospital for a few weeks!) Anyway, back to my room - I guess you take the good with the bad. And I'm so not moving again, unless they make me!
They have several services here at the hospital that patients can use as really advantageous resources. I've been really impressed. So far, I've been visited by a Neonatologist, a Dietician and Nutritionist, a Social Worker, and next week I'll see a Child Development expert. They've just talked to me to offer their services and let me know they're available if I feel I need them in the future.
So the Social Worker came in to meet me (this is routine for all of their "long term bed-resters"). She walked in and said, "Oh, you're dressed. And you have makeup and your hair is done. And you've decorated your room. I see you're not having much trouble coping here?" Evidentally, some women stay in their hospital gown, don't do anything to their rooms, and can easily slip into a funk (aka depression). I said that wasn't going to happen to me! I learned from the first time around on bed rest that it's important for self-morale...so every morning, I get up early, get dressed, do my hair and/or makeup, and then I'm ready for my (big) day. :) So, the social worker just wanted to see how I was doing, offered supporting resources (I told her that I, too, had a website and she was impressed), and talked to me about being on bed rest while having a child at home. She asked how Madison was reacting and gave me tips on how to better integrate her into these new changes here at the hospital and back at home. It was great. She also said they have a Child Development expert that can come give me tips on further helping Madison cope with the changes now and when I return home - and especially with a new baby, etc. And what to expect from madison at this age.
Better go - need to monitor.
My new room
Here are pics of my new room (my Grandpa and Grandma requested pictures). I am now in room 310 (they'll redirect any mail to me here). It is about twice the size of my old room and has a larger bathroom. I was all settled in my old room and didn't know if I should move when the nurses offered me this room yesterday. But then they said, "Since you'll probably be here through the holidays, it may be nice to have more room for family"...Gee, thanks. But, then I thought about it and agreed that it was actually a good idea - just in case I am here and we have a very unconventional, yet happy Thanksgiving dinner in the hospital...
It is decorated and looks so cute...at least the big grey walls don't seem so cold. I have fall leave garland, picture collages, pumpkin borders (that I drew and cut out of scrap paper I found), bible verses, Halloween decorations, candles and flowers all around. The nurses and doctors have given lots of compliments and are very happy I'm "coping so well" (what else am I going to do? NOT going to get depressed here!) and "making myself at home" (well, I pay enough "rent" here, so why not?!). Pics are hard to see because I only have my cell phone camera - I gave my big camera to Mark to use for this Friday's Halloween party back home.
If anyone nearby has any extra seasonal (or other) decorations they're not going to use, I'd love to use them! These walls are pretty large, so I'd love to fill them up! :)
Thank You, BCC Parents
To BCC student Parents,
Mark and I want to extend our deepest thanks to you for being so supportive during this time. You have shown an outpouring of love to my mom and to us - and we are forever grateful.
Thank you for sharing my Mom with us during the school year! I can imagine that it may be disconcerting for your child's teacher leave the school year for a month. But I know that they are in great hands this month with an awesome temporary teacher. We are thankful to have my mom share her time here with us, to take care of our daughter during this period while I'm away.
Again, we appreciate your thoughts and prayers and understanding why "Mrs. Miller" needed to go away for a bit...but she'll be back before you know it, will bells on, (or at least one of those decorative seasonal sweater vests that only teachers wear best), I am sure.
Kindly,
Mark and Danae
Mark and I want to extend our deepest thanks to you for being so supportive during this time. You have shown an outpouring of love to my mom and to us - and we are forever grateful.
Thank you for sharing my Mom with us during the school year! I can imagine that it may be disconcerting for your child's teacher leave the school year for a month. But I know that they are in great hands this month with an awesome temporary teacher. We are thankful to have my mom share her time here with us, to take care of our daughter during this period while I'm away.
Again, we appreciate your thoughts and prayers and understanding why "Mrs. Miller" needed to go away for a bit...but she'll be back before you know it, will bells on, (or at least one of those decorative seasonal sweater vests that only teachers wear best), I am sure.
Kindly,
Mark and Danae
Monday, October 27, 2008
Letters from Mommy 10/27
To my precious Madison,
Daddy picked you up from Miss Tana's house on Friday afternoon. He was so excited to see you again, that he left work really early so he could see you sooner. Together, you went to the airport to pick up Grammy. I know you remembered her right away. Grammy is going to take care of you at our home for a little while, while Mommy is away at the Hospital in Houston. And, Daddy is going to be at home, too! You will all have a lot of fun together. Before going back to Beaumont, you came to visit me in the hospital. Mommy had more toys for you to enjoy here. You ate all of Mommy's Chick-fil-a! Mommy was sad when you left, but I knew I would see you again soon.
Daddy told me that you were really excited to be back in your own home. He said that your favorite thing about being home was seeing Tyson! He said you have chased Tyson around, offered him your little toys, and your new thing is "plucking" his hair out. Know what? He just lets you do it. He loves you so much. You both are buddies.
You came to visit me on Sunday. Again, you found lots of things to play with in my room. But we had to make sure you didn't keep pushing the Nurse's call button...that was an attractive button, huh? After lunch, Grammy and Daddy helped decorate my room a bit more. You cuddled for a while in bed with me. I loved every second of it. We sang "If You're Happy and You Know It" over and over again. You are really good at the motions! You kept letting me hug and kiss you all over. Soon, you needed to leave and Daddy packed you in your stroller. Mommy's heart gets sad and my throat feels tight when I see you about to leave. Only because I know how much I will miss you until I see you again next week. I can't wait to see you again, baby girl! I know you'll have a wonderful week back at school!
I'm so glad your cold got a lot better today after Grammy took you to the doctor. I hear you over the phone and it tears my heart in two. I want to be there taking care of you, in all the little ways only your Mommy can. I also need to stay here to take care of your little brother. So, I've made sure Grammy knows what you like when you are sick and what medicines to give you to make you feel better. She'll take good care of you.
Mommy was doing really well today. Miss Greta came to visist and I got to change to a new room that is really large! Now, when you come to visit me, you'll have lots more room to play and run around! Brother is very healthy today, so that makes us happy! God is protecting him.
Grammy called me to say how beautiful you are when you sleep. I could immediately picture you in my mind, sleeping on your side, up in the corner of your crib, holding onto your puppy. Your curls fall on your face, you skin looks so smooth like porceline, and your little breath going in and out. After Mommy got ready for bed, I stopped at your pictures taped to the wall and unexpectedly started to cry. My heart feels empty without you. You are getting to be a big girl, but I still see my little baby in you. I run my fingers over each photograph. I imagine counting your teeth, I imagine squishing your soft cheeks. I imagine squeezing your cute thighs. I imagine feeling the top of your sprout-like pony tale. I see how you look at me in those photographs in a very special, happy way. Although we can't be together tonight, we have a big treasure - we can dream of our times together at night. And precious girl, I will dream of you each and every single night.
I love you,
Mommy
To my precious Hunter,
Sweet boy, you make Mommy laugh! Your hiccups, your sudden jerks, your kicks are so fun to feel. And you have a lot of energy sometimes! When we're trying to get you to be still, you always end of creeping away and then hiding, making it hard for us to find you for the monitors!
Sweet boy, we had a great day today! After having been in our old hospital room for 10 whole days, we got to get in a wheel chair and move to a new, bigger room! We decorated it together. And you definitely had an enjoyable dinner!
Sweet baby, sometimes Mommy gets sad because I miss seeing your sister, too. I just love you both so much. It is hard to be with one of you, yet be away from the other. One day, you will understand. But just becasue Mommy cries because she misses sister, does not mean I don't want to be here with you to take care of you and make you safe. I will always be here, right here, for you until you are healthy and it is perfectly safe for us to go home. Mommy will try not to cry so you don't get sad or stressed, either.
Baby Hunter, Mommy and Daddy truly believe that God has a specific plan for our family. We have seen it from the very beginning! We actually weren't supposed to get pregnant with you, without help from the doctors. It took a little while, but then God specifically put you in Mommy's belly! Since then, we've taken good care of you by seeing top doctors who check on you and see your growth. You've done so remarkably well - ahead of the curve! And now, even though mommy's body is having some issues, we know God is still in control and has a big plan for us. We will trust Him and he will take care of us. We are so proud God chose us to be your parents!
Enjoy a good night's sleep in our quiet room...We love you, little man.
I love you,
Mommy
Daddy picked you up from Miss Tana's house on Friday afternoon. He was so excited to see you again, that he left work really early so he could see you sooner. Together, you went to the airport to pick up Grammy. I know you remembered her right away. Grammy is going to take care of you at our home for a little while, while Mommy is away at the Hospital in Houston. And, Daddy is going to be at home, too! You will all have a lot of fun together. Before going back to Beaumont, you came to visit me in the hospital. Mommy had more toys for you to enjoy here. You ate all of Mommy's Chick-fil-a! Mommy was sad when you left, but I knew I would see you again soon.
Daddy told me that you were really excited to be back in your own home. He said that your favorite thing about being home was seeing Tyson! He said you have chased Tyson around, offered him your little toys, and your new thing is "plucking" his hair out. Know what? He just lets you do it. He loves you so much. You both are buddies.
You came to visit me on Sunday. Again, you found lots of things to play with in my room. But we had to make sure you didn't keep pushing the Nurse's call button...that was an attractive button, huh? After lunch, Grammy and Daddy helped decorate my room a bit more. You cuddled for a while in bed with me. I loved every second of it. We sang "If You're Happy and You Know It" over and over again. You are really good at the motions! You kept letting me hug and kiss you all over. Soon, you needed to leave and Daddy packed you in your stroller. Mommy's heart gets sad and my throat feels tight when I see you about to leave. Only because I know how much I will miss you until I see you again next week. I can't wait to see you again, baby girl! I know you'll have a wonderful week back at school!
I'm so glad your cold got a lot better today after Grammy took you to the doctor. I hear you over the phone and it tears my heart in two. I want to be there taking care of you, in all the little ways only your Mommy can. I also need to stay here to take care of your little brother. So, I've made sure Grammy knows what you like when you are sick and what medicines to give you to make you feel better. She'll take good care of you.
Mommy was doing really well today. Miss Greta came to visist and I got to change to a new room that is really large! Now, when you come to visit me, you'll have lots more room to play and run around! Brother is very healthy today, so that makes us happy! God is protecting him.
Grammy called me to say how beautiful you are when you sleep. I could immediately picture you in my mind, sleeping on your side, up in the corner of your crib, holding onto your puppy. Your curls fall on your face, you skin looks so smooth like porceline, and your little breath going in and out. After Mommy got ready for bed, I stopped at your pictures taped to the wall and unexpectedly started to cry. My heart feels empty without you. You are getting to be a big girl, but I still see my little baby in you. I run my fingers over each photograph. I imagine counting your teeth, I imagine squishing your soft cheeks. I imagine squeezing your cute thighs. I imagine feeling the top of your sprout-like pony tale. I see how you look at me in those photographs in a very special, happy way. Although we can't be together tonight, we have a big treasure - we can dream of our times together at night. And precious girl, I will dream of you each and every single night.
I love you,
Mommy
To my precious Hunter,
Sweet boy, you make Mommy laugh! Your hiccups, your sudden jerks, your kicks are so fun to feel. And you have a lot of energy sometimes! When we're trying to get you to be still, you always end of creeping away and then hiding, making it hard for us to find you for the monitors!
Sweet boy, we had a great day today! After having been in our old hospital room for 10 whole days, we got to get in a wheel chair and move to a new, bigger room! We decorated it together. And you definitely had an enjoyable dinner!
Sweet baby, sometimes Mommy gets sad because I miss seeing your sister, too. I just love you both so much. It is hard to be with one of you, yet be away from the other. One day, you will understand. But just becasue Mommy cries because she misses sister, does not mean I don't want to be here with you to take care of you and make you safe. I will always be here, right here, for you until you are healthy and it is perfectly safe for us to go home. Mommy will try not to cry so you don't get sad or stressed, either.
Baby Hunter, Mommy and Daddy truly believe that God has a specific plan for our family. We have seen it from the very beginning! We actually weren't supposed to get pregnant with you, without help from the doctors. It took a little while, but then God specifically put you in Mommy's belly! Since then, we've taken good care of you by seeing top doctors who check on you and see your growth. You've done so remarkably well - ahead of the curve! And now, even though mommy's body is having some issues, we know God is still in control and has a big plan for us. We will trust Him and he will take care of us. We are so proud God chose us to be your parents!
Enjoy a good night's sleep in our quiet room...We love you, little man.
I love you,
Mommy
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Pics from this week
Mark picked up Madison from Tana's yesterday afternoon. She was so happy to see Daddy! He then picked up my mom from the airport and they came to visit me. And...they brought oh-so-coveted Chick-fil-a. Madison ate most of my chicken, but hey - I'd just about give her anything these days! "There she goes, already stealing brother's food", noticed Mark. We had a great visit. Mark brought up more of my clothes from home and a couple other things I needed.They got home late last night. I will miss having Madison here in Houston, but I'm really glad she can get back to her own home, own toys, own bed, and her normal routine. She'll have fun with Grammy and it will be good for her to be able to see Daddy each night. Mark and my mom said it seems that Madison's favorite thing since being home is Tyson, our cat. She just follows him everywhere and is so happy.
Tana, Hayden, Danae and Madison out for lunch (prior to hospital, obviously!)
So happy to be at Mr Raymond and Miss Clareanne's house
Madison's first visit to see Mommy in hospital
Picking petals off the flowers
Finding fun things to play with in Mommy's room
let's snuggle...
Miss Avery came to see me!
Girl after Mommy's own heart...(she has a big bite of chick-fil-a in her mouth here)Update 10/25
It looks like such a pretty day outside. I wish I could enjoy it! But, I will admire the weather and clear skies from my window.
Hunter was on the monitor for a few hours this morning/early afternoon, actually. During a routine monitoring, the nurse noticed a few times where his heartbeat dropped pretty low. This was due to umbilical cord obstruction - probably because of his position (he would sit on it) or it was getting tangled around him and compromising his oxygen. So, instead of staying on the monitor for our normal 30 minute increment, I was on it for a few hours. His heart dropped a couple more times, but then it remained constant for a long enough period of time. We'll check it again soon, but they said there's nothing to worry about. I contracted three times in an hour for about 40 seconds each time, but again, nothing to worry about.
Just got monitored again now. Baby doing fine and no decelerations. Few contractions, no worries, just need to be tuned into that.
My former neighbor in Katy, Danielle, visited me today for a couple hours. She generously brought me an adorable pumpkin basket filled with goodies and reading material. Thank you, Danielle!! We had a great time catching up on the latest.
Hunter was on the monitor for a few hours this morning/early afternoon, actually. During a routine monitoring, the nurse noticed a few times where his heartbeat dropped pretty low. This was due to umbilical cord obstruction - probably because of his position (he would sit on it) or it was getting tangled around him and compromising his oxygen. So, instead of staying on the monitor for our normal 30 minute increment, I was on it for a few hours. His heart dropped a couple more times, but then it remained constant for a long enough period of time. We'll check it again soon, but they said there's nothing to worry about. I contracted three times in an hour for about 40 seconds each time, but again, nothing to worry about.
Just got monitored again now. Baby doing fine and no decelerations. Few contractions, no worries, just need to be tuned into that.
My former neighbor in Katy, Danielle, visited me today for a couple hours. She generously brought me an adorable pumpkin basket filled with goodies and reading material. Thank you, Danielle!! We had a great time catching up on the latest.
Friday, October 24, 2008
You are my sunshine
YAY!!! We made it one more week!!!! Hunter is now 27 weeks old. Thank you, Lord.
Doctor said that baby looks well. Heart has been fine and no severe contractions. He was glad to see that. He said for me to stay lying down. Thanks, I could have guessed you were going to say that?! (FYI, earlier I had said Hunter had had a few heart arrhythmias, but that wasn't true. He had "variables" - which meant that his heart rate dropped a few times that day when he was being monitored. This indicated that he kept laying on his cord. They monitored additional times that day and the next, but he turned out to be just fine.) I could feel the baby really, really low today, like I thought I'd actually see a little foot or something. (kidding, Mom, don't worry) ...So I actually did spend most of the day on my back to relieve some of the discomfort.
Doctor said that baby looks well. Heart has been fine and no severe contractions. He was glad to see that. He said for me to stay lying down. Thanks, I could have guessed you were going to say that?! (FYI, earlier I had said Hunter had had a few heart arrhythmias, but that wasn't true. He had "variables" - which meant that his heart rate dropped a few times that day when he was being monitored. This indicated that he kept laying on his cord. They monitored additional times that day and the next, but he turned out to be just fine.) I could feel the baby really, really low today, like I thought I'd actually see a little foot or something. (kidding, Mom, don't worry) ...So I actually did spend most of the day on my back to relieve some of the discomfort.
A dietitian also visited me today. I'd guess that's routine. She wanted to check on my appetite - which is more than hearty these days! Actually, I've had more of an appetite this week than ever, it seems. She said I needed to gain more weight. According to my height and pre-prego weight, she wants me to gain 35-45 lbs (I've gained 8 lbs so far, as of last week). Well sister, do not fret. I can promise you that I'll gain 90 lbs at the rate I'm going - oh, and have I mentioned that I am just LAYING here?? Doing nothing?? The only physical activity I get is shoving food into my mouth. So, get this, she asked me to increase the caloric intake and gave me "tips" - i.e. adding cheese to broccoli, adding peanut butter to bananas, drinking 2% milk instead of skim, eating ice cream every night... So I need to stuff my face now... and block out all of the nightmares I'm going to have about working extra hard to lose it after the baby comes. Oy. I'll just wish for a miracle on that weight-loss thing. It's for the birds.
So just as I was relishing in the fact that together, Hunter and I, have made it ONE MORE WEEK! ...I also realized that being here is getting REALLY old. Already. Now, I have so much to keep me preoccupied, I really do. Projects, research, reading, movies, corresponding. But all within these four small walls, which ironically remind me of my college dorm room. Grey walls, grey ceiling, grey floor, same twin bed size...except no roommate and no occasional adult beverage in sight.
Anyhow, I digress - just as I was getting a bit of cabin fever, what shows up but two things that BRIGHTEN my day!
THANK YOU!!
Thank you, the Muschalik family, the Tucker family, The Witten family, The Miller Family, The Carter family, The Talbot family, and Dirusha and Paul! The Huge "Cookie Bouquet" packaged in such an exquisite presentation! Love this gift...flowers...yet you can EAT them! You all are amazing friends to us.
Thank you for everything I received in my first handful of hospital mail! I was so excited (if you know me, I LOVE getting my mail each day...probably only to look out for catalogs, People or US magazines, though...) to get my mail here! Thank you for the cards from Aunt Chris, Sarah, and my close friend Anna Juby's step mom, Barbara Jacks. It meant so much you would write such inspirational messages. Thank you to a few moms who have kids in my mom's preschool class in Oregon. They sent lovely cards - and even a couple from the students to me and one to Madison. It touched my heart. Thank you for the journal, note cards, crossword puzzles and books! Elaine sent me a Willow Tree statue of a pregnant woman that I've always thought was so beautiful.
You all certainly brightened my day...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
A profound thought...
My good friend, Mary Arnold (who is married to Mark's best friend and college roommate), emailed an awesomely profound thought...
She wrote:
"I read your thoughts and I can not imagine. I just cry and cry reading your words thinking of it were Vera (her daughter). You're right, I think only someone who has experienced a mother's love can truly understand how little ones can just rip your heart out. It also makes me sad because it makes me think, is this the way Jesus feels when we stray from Him?"
WOW. I froze and got goose bumps. If you think about it, it's probably more than true. When we stray from the Lord, as our Father, it must just absolutely break His heart...He must miss us so... And I've only seen a glimpse into what this could feel like, each time I'm forced to be without my daughter. The pain is indescribable. And could we inflict that pain on Him? Immediately I was like, "oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I know how it feels, God!"
But seriously, that's something to think about.
She wrote:
"I read your thoughts and I can not imagine. I just cry and cry reading your words thinking of it were Vera (her daughter). You're right, I think only someone who has experienced a mother's love can truly understand how little ones can just rip your heart out. It also makes me sad because it makes me think, is this the way Jesus feels when we stray from Him?"
WOW. I froze and got goose bumps. If you think about it, it's probably more than true. When we stray from the Lord, as our Father, it must just absolutely break His heart...He must miss us so... And I've only seen a glimpse into what this could feel like, each time I'm forced to be without my daughter. The pain is indescribable. And could we inflict that pain on Him? Immediately I was like, "oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I know how it feels, God!"
But seriously, that's something to think about.
Chick-fil-a, Seasonal decorations and my beautiful roses
I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life! Today, Lynn Marsack, my former neighbor in Katy, came to visit me. She brought me my very favorite...Chick-fil-a. I mean, that is one awesome chicken sandwich. Baby and Mommy were very happy. :) So sad when food is the most exciting part of my day, huh? She also brought a Halloween-themed bag filled with magazines, snacks, candy, and a cute Halloween decoration for my room. It was so nice of her! She stayed for about an hour and a half and we had a great chat. Good Luck this weekend, Lynn!!!! She is running a triathalon in Katy on Sunday. Oh my gosh, if I even ran down the hall, I'd have this baby. I can't imagine running a triathalon.
My room is becoming much more personalized with my new decorations...
THANK YOU....
Thank you so much for the beautiful bouquet of roses, Stacie!!!! And give your family a hug from me!
My beautiful little rose garden...I'm a lucky gal!
I kept busy the rest of the day...yes, aside from eating mounds of food. I've caught up with several people on the phone, took care of my plants/flowers, have worked on a few photography projects, done some research on my camera, and of course - caught up on my Hollywood gossip.
Doctor's orders today...Stay horizontal. Hmmm, nice. How exciting.
Before I go to eat...again...I want to update you on Madison's EEG results. I've called the Pediatrician's office each day...NO results yet. I called Texas Children's neurophysiology department yesterday and found out the neurosurgeon read the tests and they mailed (snail mail!?) the results to her Pediatric office. So, we are to wait for the Pedi to look over the findings and call me. I still call each day to follow-up, just in case. I'll let you know if I hear anything tomorrow.
My room is becoming much more personalized with my new decorations...THANK YOU....
Thank you so much for the beautiful bouquet of roses, Stacie!!!! And give your family a hug from me!My beautiful little rose garden...I'm a lucky gal!I kept busy the rest of the day...yes, aside from eating mounds of food. I've caught up with several people on the phone, took care of my plants/flowers, have worked on a few photography projects, done some research on my camera, and of course - caught up on my Hollywood gossip.
Doctor's orders today...Stay horizontal. Hmmm, nice. How exciting.
Before I go to eat...again...I want to update you on Madison's EEG results. I've called the Pediatrician's office each day...NO results yet. I called Texas Children's neurophysiology department yesterday and found out the neurosurgeon read the tests and they mailed (snail mail!?) the results to her Pediatric office. So, we are to wait for the Pedi to look over the findings and call me. I still call each day to follow-up, just in case. I'll let you know if I hear anything tomorrow.
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