My thoughts...

Mark and I can not thank you enough for all of your support. We truly covet all of your prayers, thoughts, and love. We feel blanketed in your prayers. And that has brought on such an overwhelming sense of peace amidst the chaos.

Before I go on, I must say...I have the best husband in the world. I've always known that, but this weekend proved it once again. Mark has handled all of these surprises (an engineer does NOT like surprises) and chaos (again, as an engineer, he is quite orderly) with grace and ease. I know that inside, he is thinking about his hectic work schedule, providing for our family, missing his sweet daughter, worrying about me and his unborn son. But he has never let on to me that he is stressed or worried. He never complained once last week or weekend. He helped make decisions, run errands all over town, handle phone calls, and juggle a few things at work. He left for Beaumont Sunday evening so he could go back to work. It tore his heart to leave Madison. Lord, thank you, thank you, for giving me such a wonderful husband who treats us so well.

It seems to get a bit easier each day I'm in here. Except for one thing - missing my sweet daughter and husband. I am getting used to my gray walls, a TV that doesn't always work correctly, and my small hospital bed. However, all of the beautiful flowers have absolutely brightened up my room; thank you so very much, everyone! (I keep saying I'm going to decorate this room - some throw pillows on the couch, some Halloween decorations, maybe a pink boa wrapped around my IV?)

I have been very humbled today. I feel so blessed and fortunate to have a healthy baby boy inside of me, from what they can see so far. I praise the Lord for that. It would be much more difficult being in the hospital knowing something was wrong with my baby. That would add an insurmountable amount of pain to this mountain of emotion.

Today I struggled with these thoughts, actually...almost feeling guilty. I started to feel guilty for being here. Guilty for even being sad. Guilty for worrying about our situation (I know that sounds ludicrous). Guilty that my current problems are far less worse than some pregnancies here. (There are a few women who are actually strapped to their bed in a backwards inverted position to fight off the effects of gravity on their uterus.) But I was soon reminded that there is a big reason why I'm here. Just because nothing is "wrong" with the baby now, there is certainly something not right with his living environment (aka my body) - and if he does happen to come early, he will surely have many health problems then. I realized that instead of praising God for the bits of good news we've gotten recently, I was too busy feeling "guilty" for the positive things occuring to us. I know, that sounds ridiculous. But I'm being honest here. I think that was the devil creeping in and trying to keep me from being close to God and thanking Him for what He has done today.

Thank you, Lord, that my little boy stayed inside one more day!
Thank you, Lord, for family and friends who have sent their love today.
Thank you, Lord, for the possibility I may be released sooner than we originally thought.
Thank you, Lord, that the Strep B test came back negative and my cold has gone away.
Thank you, Lord, that we did not get any bad news today.