My heart overflows

Tana graciously brought Madison up to see me this morning. (When I get my own laptop this weekend, I'll post pictures.) When they opened the door, my heart grew a hundred-fold. No one can make you smile more than your kids, huh? (Well, given the situation, I know they can drive you crazy as well...)

I was on the monitor with Hunter, so I couldn't immediately hold her. But I got to kiss and hug her quickly. Immediately, she beamed with a huge grin and laughed and clapped her hands. It was great. And right away, she got down from my bed to pick the fresh flowers (not in a garden, but out of my flower vases) and played and played with a big helium balloon. I relished in watching her in her own little world.

Before long, they had to go. I'm always so grateful and happy to see her, but the visits are bittersweet knowing Madison will have to leave. I held Madison in my bed, kissed both of her cheeks, and tickled her belly. We gave eskimo kisses and I gave her a butterfly kiss, which she just loves. I squeezed her with all my might. I deeply inhaled her sweet scent. I ran my fingers through her hair. I wanted to bottle up these feelings so that I could have them for the rest of the day.

When they left, I got back in my bed and cried. Why is this so hard? I guess only mothers would know. I wouldn't be able to completely empathize with this before I had kids. I think it would be just as hard if this time away from her was for three days or three months or even longer. The same feelings are there, they just may last a little longer, that's all. But they're neither less or more strong, regardless of the time away.

I closed my eyes tight and tried to remember each and every feeling we just experienced. Her head against my chest, her little fingers grabbing way too many snacks at one time out of the palm of my hand, her ponytail sticking up and tickling my cheek.

I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed.