Thank God for the Outdoors!

Most days (like today) I am really positive and strong. However, Saturday morning, I woke up and basically just hit a wall. I was about at the end of my rope. Words can't describe how I was so sick of being here. It had been over three weeks since I'd been admitted to the hospital. (And due to evacuating for two hurricanes and now this hospital stay, since the end of August I've only lived in my "real home" for 21 days!) The hardest part was knowing that I potentially (and hopefully, for Hunter's sake!) have two more months in here...it just seemed like an eternity. I didn't know how I was going to get through it. I couldn't even pray...I just said, "God help me. I'm so tired."

But soon, very soon after, I started feeling better. I was reminded that I can't necessarily look that far ahead on the calendar in my mind. Rather, I have to just take it day by day. Sure, there will be good days and bad days. I just have to try to keep things in perspective...and keep my eye on the prize.

After 22 days of being kept in my hospital room, I finally got to go outside on Saturday!!! I can't express how wonderful it felt to feel the wind blow through my hair and to feel sunshine on my face. I thanked God the minute those hospital doors flew open. I soaked everything in...every minute of my half-hour excursion. So, the next time you're able to freely leave your home simply to just get in your car - feel fortunate that you can go outside and breathe the fresh air!

Mark, Madison and my mom came to Houston to visit over the weekend. Again, my dad had business in the Houston area, so I got to see him for the second weekend in a row. It was great to have my family here to spend the weekend. Madison tended to get a little stir-crazy in my room (can you blame her?), so she enjoyed long walks down the hallways, pushing the elevator buttons and looking at the babies in the nursery (well, I think my mom liked that part more than Madison did). But Madison's favorite activity, by far, was to search for and climb in every wheelchair on the hospital floor. Her smile spread from ear to ear - she thought wheelchairs were the coolest thing...good thing for me, huh?! ...Since that is my mode of transportation lately. Mark spent the night here with me on Saturday (an uncoventional type of sleep-over with your husband, no?) and Madison, my mom and dad spent the night in a nearby hotel. They all left after lunch on Sunday.

Although my second favorite part of the weekend was going outside...my absolute favorite part was when Madison feel asleep next to me in my hospital bed. When she curled up and fell asleep, it was as if my heart grew exponentially. I just stared at her long eyelashes and watched her little chest rise up and down while she breathed. I snuggled closer to her and breathed in her sweet scent. I tried to pay attention to every detail; I knew that those memories would have to tide me over, for it will be a whole week until I see her again. Oh, how I wish I could just simply pick her up and hold her! But for now, I will be thankful for the hour I got to lay next to her. When they left to go home, I went back to my bed with tears in my eyes and laid my head down on the pillow that was just used by Madison. It still smelled like her. It has become tolerable (most days) to be here at the hospital. But, being away from my daughter just hasn't gotten any easier.

As I said at the beginning, today has been a good day. In over a week, we've had no heart decels and no contractions. This morning, my doctor said that my next ultrasound will be Tuesday or Wednesday. They'll do a complete assessment on baby and Mommy. They'll make the decision whether it's safer for Hunter to be inside of me or on the outside...so we'll see! I'm feeling optimistic!

I have so many pictures taken last week and over the weekend, so I'll post a few each day.