Update 11/3 12 pm

These. Four. Walls. Are. Getting. Old.

I'm so ready to bust out of here... NO, of course I won't, as I know I need to be here for the baby... But, it is taking every ounce of self discipline and strength not to go absolutely crazy in here. It has been 17 days now. I have been out of my room and in the hallway four times in 17 days - twice to switch rooms and twice for ultrasounds...which require only a 100 yard travel distance. Otherwise, I have been stuck in my four-walled room 24/7. This is definitely more than just "relaxing and laying here"... it is an incredible responsibility to try and get this baby here safely!

Before I go on, here are highlights on the status of the baby:

- Had ultrasound this morning and basically, levels have pretty much remained constant (even a tad better!), but at least they haven't gotten worse!

- No heart decels until last night (one) and this morning (one).

- No contractions except Saturday (three in under 12 minutes lasting 60 seconds, each - so they flipped me on my side and they went away. From now on, I have to lay on either side, preferably the left.) and then one today.

- Doctor today has a very laid-back personality and said he is very optimistic and he didn't feel there was anything to worry about. (Ok, so why am I in here??) His personality was so lax, that it really gave me mixed messages compared to the very serious discussion last Wednesday's doctor had with me. That's the hard part - seeing 7 different doctors, each who translate data differently and have different personalities.

- Doctor said that, unless anything shows up on the heart monitoring, my next scan will be a week from this Wednesday. Purpose: measure amniotic levels, placenta restriction level, and most importantly if baby is growing. Reason for waiting this long - this will allow us enough time to get a good measure of comparison, considering the margin of error of data within the ultrasound. The data it provides is not concrete - we have to allow an index of error - so if we scanned every day, the minor fluctuations in measurements wouldn't be beneficial - we need to give it time to get better, more accurate data. If they see heart decels increase, then they'll scan me sooner.

- Apparently, at this early stage, I shouldn't expect anything to progress (worsen) too quickly and go gravely wrong with the baby. He said we'll scan more often when the baby is older.

- If, next Wednesday, they see the baby is not growing well, then they'll decide if it's best to take him out.

Ok, back to my original post:

I am so thankful for a wonderful weekend (as good as it could get, considering...). My whole family came to visit me (well, minus my sister, but we talked on the phone). I got to visit with my Dad, Mom, Mark AND Madison - all at the same time! They spent all day Saturday and most of Sunday here. My dad was in town to play a concert here in Houston. He got a hotel room very near the hospital - it was so convenient. My mom and Madison stayed there with him, while Mark stayed with me overnight in my room on a very uncomfortable couch.

Per the social worker's advice, I had my mom get a few gifts "from Mommy" for Madison to open up when she came to visit me. The social worker encouraged me to do a few special things with here here each time she visits (color, watch a special video, play with a special toy) that we only do here together. Then, when I get home, to continue those specific things together. The reason is to provide Madison with consistency through this period of time; To carry on something continually with her, to develop a pattern that she can expect and rely on - and then will recognize and make the transition a bit easier when I get home. On Saturday, she opened some new building legos from Little People, and on Sunday she opened a shape sorter. We'll keep those toys here in my room for her to play with when she visits me. Then, I'll bring them home with me when I'm able to come back home.

The most special part of my weekend was when Madison and I were lying in my bed together and she took a nap next to me. Any worry flew out the window and I was in heaven! It was a wonderful feeling and I savored every moment. When she had to leave, I could still smell her sweet scent on my pillow. Oh, how my heart aches when she is not here. But I am thankful for the time I had with her this weekend. Poor girl, she is still working on getting in all of her back teeth...she has had a fever off and on for the last several days, diaper rash, and you can tell she's in pain. I hope this doesn't last too much longer for her. My mom and Mark have been wonderful taking care of her...how I wish I could do it myself.

Finally, I must tell you of my frustrating conversation last week with someone at the Secretary of State's office in Austin... (After trying to call almost every day, I finally got through last week. I wanted to find out, given I was unexpetedly put in the hospital, how can I still vote?? Couldn't find answer online, so needed to talk to a person. Surely, this situation has occurred before...but it was SO frustrating that a process is not in place to allow someone to vote who is in my situation!)

Me: Hi, I am a registered voter in Texas and I recently got put in the hospital, unexpectedly. Is there a way I can still vote?

Bright Girl at Sec of State Office: Nope. (small laughter) Too late.

Me: So there's nothing at all I can do about this?

Bright Girl: I mean, if you got someone to pick you up and give you a ride, you could vote on Tuesday...

Me: Did you not hear me? I'm in the HOSPITAL. Not going to fly with my doctor to just "leave".

Bright Girl: So you can't get a ride?

Me: Um, NO. Are you sure there's nothing else I can do?

Bright Girl: Nope. You should have filled out an application to vote early by mail. Deadline is seven days before election date, but actually should have gotten in few weeks earlier than that so paperwork can be processed and they could mail you your ballott in time.

Me: I didn't know I was going to be here in the hospital. Otherwise, I would have done MANY other things earlier, in preparation...not just apply for early voting by mail...

Bright Girl: Oh (laughs) yeah. But nope, you can't vote.

Me: So if anyone else got put in the hospital last minute, or became "disabled" unexpectedly, the system doesn't provide any other way possible that my vote could count?

Bright Girl: Nope, you lost that opportunity.

Me: Um, ok. That's really unfortunate... Bye...

How terrible?!? I know I only count for one vote, but hey, it's one important vote!!

First thing Mad does when she gets in my room...empty the shelves...

Me and Mad asleep in my bed...she's tucked behind her puppy...

Look at those curls!

Madison and Mommy art project...

A wreath of Madison's hands to decorate Mommy's room


Traced Madison's feet...and made a Thanksgiving decoration out of it.

What I did last night with construction paper and ribbon...